Self-discovery...

I stood up this morning with the thought that today will be different, today I'll not doubt. I will not fall in the dangerous spiral that is callled internal conflict. I will not go there anymore.

One thing can trigger a whole set of things and the way that you respond is that thing that matters.
I'm so insecure in myself, I've always had it. I know its kind of sad but its been a part of me for so long. I have found some comfort in that, weird I know but it is true.

Why do we need to lie? I lie to myself so much, it has scaled down but shedding a part of yourself is hard.
Struggling with something can be so destructive that you end up hugging the floor, the world twirling around. The struugle isn't with something, it's a struggle with yourself. I lie to keep myself from getting hurt, but sometimes honesty can be freeing. I stopped lying to myself recently and found myself so much more. The problem is to be honest with others.

You do not know what the influence can have on the other persons world. This keeps me from being honest. I thing everybody lies, and for good reason. I hate the reason but it seems to be better to lie than to shatter someones world. I do not want to be that guy throwning the rock.

People are all fragile and this makes life so difficult. The problem comes in how do I let someone in without being so vulnerable. Hurt can come and wound can heal, you should start by stop lying to yourself and enbrace the part even if you hate it. You'll come to love it.

Angs en opgewondenheid hand in hand...

Hier sit ek met soveel angs wat kom en ook opgewondenheid oor watse nuwe draaie daar gaan wees. Ek het die blog opgestel met die gedagte om als net uit te pen en mense se opinies te kry maar ek moet my eie opinies vorm deur ander se opinies. Ek gee nie meer regtig om wat die ander dink, sê of fluister agter `n bak hand nie, dis my siening van myself wat tel.

Ek het vandag besef ek het die balk in my eie ook vasgevat, nie noodwendig enige vordering om hom uit te kry nie maar die ding is ek het hom nou met albei hande beet. Dis nogal `n snaakse gevoel want ek is ook nou nie `n brein 'surgeon' nie so my hande bewe, wat dinge nogal eina maak. Dit raak darem makliker en nou en dan probeer ek hom so stuk stuk uit trek, maar dis `n stadige en delikate proses. Ek moes hom alwee bietjie terug druk want dis waar hy gemaklik is maar dis okay.

Ek het hom vas met albei hande.